WHAT IF…Trump were Prime Minister?

An insight into life under Prime Minister Trump

Donald Trump has hit the ground running.

The businessman-come-politician has grasped the Oval Office with two hands, dishing out executive orders like an ice cream man selling 99s on a hot summer’s day.

But what if the New Yorker had settled in his mother’s native Scotland and become a British citizen?

What if Donald Trump were Prime Minister of the United Kingdom?

Day One

Trump’s turbulent but successful campaign to ‘Make Britain Great Again’ hits the ground running through a hastily introduced bill to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall after the souring of relations between the Trump team and Holyrood during the general election.

He added: “I love Scotland. Some great golf courses. BUT I WON’T BE BULLIED!”

When asked about the ambiguity surrounding how the wall would be funded by Guardian columnist Polly Toynbee, The Donald cut her off before she could finish. “No we don’t talk to you. Phony fake news media,” Trump could be heard saying.

Later that evening, Trump took to Twitter once again.

Day Two

After storming to No 10 on the back of the blue collar vote, Trump sets out plans to restart the UK’s coal mining industry. “I said I was gonna create jobs for Brits,” he said. “It’s happening, I’m a good guy, I stick to my guns.”

To guarantee jobs for British citizens, Trump has proposed a 90-day travel ban on the seven European countries with the highest levels of migration to the UK.

Day Three

Piers Morgan. PHOTO: Dominick D

Reports circulate that Trump has invited Piers Morgan to No. 10 to ask him to become his special adviser.

The former News of the World edtitor’s close friendship with the PM is said to be The Donald’s perfect choice for press management.

When asked about the reports at a Downing Street press conference later in the day, Trump said: “Piers is a shining light in the grubby world of fake news reporting.”

Morgan is said to be lining up a three-part ‘Life Stories Special’ for Trump as a thank you gesture.

When asked about whether the plans were truthful or not, Trump said: “There are talking going on. My life is an inspiration for many, I would welcome sharing my experiences.”

Day Four

In the aftermath of a campaign that included NHS reform, Trump turns his attention to the future of the country’s health service.

‘Bevancare’, as it has become known, is set for its largest reforms in decades, but details remain unknown.

Responding to protests planned by the likes of journalists Owen Jones and Laurie Penny, Trump said: “Protesting is a key part of our democracy, but they lost! I’m the winner. I won. The might not like it but I owe it to my fans.”

Day Five

The Prime Minister’s first PMQs has become the most watched in history. Sensing the enthusiasm, Trump announces that the weekly session is to double in time and be broadcast on every major TV network.

Trump said: “It’s a disgrace that it’s only half an hour. I’ve got a lot of important stuff my voters need to hear.”

But reports suggests that questions for the Leader of the Opposition are to reduce and instead be allocated to a ballot including MPs from the government benches only.

Day Six

One week of intense press scrutiny has soured relations with No 10.

Buzzfeed UK have been banned from Downing Street after a satirical column entitled ‘Things bigger than Donald Trump’s hands’ went viral on social media.

And the Independent have had their access to Downing Street reduced after releasing a video mocking Trump’s somewhat vigorous handshake style.

In the aftermath, Trump announces a shock follow up to the Leveson Inquiry.

Day Seven

Trump playing golf. PHOTO: Steve Jurvetson/Flickr.

Trump ends his first week in charge of the country by jetting off to his mother’s native Scotland.

A round of 18 is on the agenda at Trump International Golf Links.

A Downing Street source tells the press that Trump is looking into the reapropriation of Sports England funds from  undefined “nonsense sports” to Trump’s favourite game.